Hello, my name is Adri and I am fat.

Woah-woah-woahwoahwoah-woaaah there! Hold up, clam down skippy! I know what you’re thinking. If you know who I am, you’re thinking “Oh shut up Adri, you are not! You look absolutely fine.” and if you don’t know who I am, you’re thinking “Oh great, another girl fat-shaming herself”. I need you to know something; it might shock you, but it might not.

I am, indeed, fat. Obese. Or, if you want to be “politically” correct, I am morbidly … *ahhem* … obese (what a dirty word/sentence).

adjective: obese
grossly fat or overweight.
I will admit that, in no real way do I consider myself “grossly fat” or “morbid”. I don’t see people on the streets running in the opposite direction just because I have a few extra pounds on my skeleton. I may get the odd “scoff” and look, but no one is running, screaming, away from me. At least I’m not aware of such an occurrence happening. What an awkward situation that would be though? I would probably start running and screaming too because, there MUST be something terribly scary behind me that has everyone bolting. Lets hope that something like this has never, actually happened to anyone.

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Turning the page to twenty-nine.

Here I am, quickly approaching my twenty-ninth chapter, the twenty-ninth year of my existence on this earth. With the hum of the air conditioner, and Miley singing “You’re going to make me lonesome“; I sit, as I do every year, and reflect on my last chapter. My twenty-eighth chapter wasn’t all that disappointing. There were certainly bumps in the road, like postpone trips, to financial insecurities, but with those bumps there were bright lights. The brightest light being, Kyle and I buying our first home, which is still in disorganized bliss, and with unfinished rooms. It often gives me the feels of an “apartment” because we don’t have the furniture, nor the money to buy furniture. But at the end of the day it is “our” home, and that’s all that matters to me.

Twenty-eight had me sitting on a plane for 4 and half hours flying south, followed by another 2 hour bus ride, to help my Father celebrate his 60th in Cuba. We (mum, dad and I) spent an entire week waking up at 8am, drinking beer before breakfast, lounging on the beach or pool side, and generally loving life. We also took a spur of the moment trip to Havana City, where culture shock was experienced in full as we sat outside, on a cobble stone patio drinking Piña coladas from a pineapple (while the bottle of rum was left at our table, to pour at our leisure).

Twenty-eight is the chapter that I learned that I really, really enjoy kicking and punching things, as a way of exercise, and therapy. It also taught me that I really enjoy a good work out. One that, for several days after, I’m so sore that it’s difficult to walk up and down the stairs, or lift my arms above my head. When I feel the muscles burn, the muscles cry, I know I’m doing what I should be doing to make myself a better, healthier, me. It’s an everyday struggle, but every day I face it head on, bull horns ready.

Twenty-Eight had me:
Meeting my first cockroach, or three.
Dying my hair purple, turquoise, blue, and luscious raspberry red
Having spur of the moment gatherings at my house
Celebrating Kyle’s 29th with friends of the last 15 years, ending with K and I playing Mario Kart with strangers online
Discovering what relaxing truly meant.
Realizing that there is more out there then working constantly (though I’m still a workaholic and have a hard time relaxing)
Discovering how beautiful Cuba truly is
Watching a friend of 17 years marry the love of his life
Showing a friend from Acadia around my tiny home town
Rediscovering my love for Kejimkujik National Park
Building a giant “rubber duck” head with my friend D and her buddy Mickey
Discovering that mental health is hard, but still a field I’d love to work in
Excepting that things DO, in fact, change – whether we like it or not

Despite a lot of positive high lights in my twenty-eighth chapter, there were a few low lights. Both involved heart ache that only comes with the passing of two people that have touched your life. One being my great Uncle. He was a quiet, but brilliant man. Loved history, and reading. Enjoyed the outdoors, and a good glass of rum. He was a strong man who lived well into his 90s despite smoking for years, and beating skin cancer. He lived a fulfilled life. A war man, a family man, and a woodsman. He is greatly missed but I know in my heart of hearts he’s with his brothers and sisters, as well as his beautiful wife.
The second. The second heart ache came recently and this was the loss of my “other mother”. An amazing woman that I have known since I was just in my fourth chapter of life. She had a smile that was contagious, and a positive outlook that you only dream to have. Despite her obstacle she was always positive and cared She fought cancer, as her daughter said “with grace and strength that none of use knew was possible”. It breaks my heart that she was taken from her family so soon, but I know she’s resting peacefully and watching everyone closely. She baked the best chocolate chip cookies I’ve ever had. Never, ever a competition.

I’m sure I could sit here and panic about how I haven’t accomplished this, or that, all while scribbling down what I want to accomplish by the time I’m thirty (thirty, now there’s a panic attack I’ll set aside for a rainy day). Of course I have a list of things I would like to accomplish before I am in my thirtieth chapter but realistically, am I going to be able to accomplish them all? Probably not. For example, I wanted to visit Europe before I turned thirty, but in reality, I WILL BE thirty when I finally visit Europe (first date: Kate, a good bottle of wine, and Mumford and Sons).

Goals for Twenty-Nine:
Visit Old Montreal
Take a trip to the USofA
Travel to Dominican or Cuba (if financially able)
Drop 20-40lbs and build some serious muscle tone
Get some colour into house
Get a new body modification

If you were to have asked me fifteen years ago, “Where do you see yourself when you are 29?” I would have said, “married with child” (and probably still unhappy). What would I have been doing as a career? I don’t have the foggiest idea what I wanted to do when I was 16. Possibly a legal secretary, or even a lawyer. Today, I want to be a psychologist, and happy. My life, up to this point, is not at all how I imagined it. Some people can say that, by this point, everything has gone according to their plan, but truth be told, I don’t have a plan. I’m floating through, grabbing at opportunities as I see fit. I have goals for my life, but I’m not frantically trying to accomplish them before I’m 30. Should I? Maybe. Am I going to allow myself to stress over it? Yes. And no.

Taking a deep breath, I accept that I am turning the page into my twenty-ninth chapter on Friday, but it doesn’t mean I have to like it, right?

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Some wise words to keep in mind. Print it off, and paste it to your bathroom mirror or fridge.

As most of my non-internet friends know, I fell off my wagon incredibly hard. I fell off, cracked my head on the concrete and declared myself unfit to exercise and eat healthy. Creatively speaking of course. I have forgotten how to eat a full breakfast, I just drink it (in a form of coffee and water). I have forgotten what lunch looks like, and I have forgotten what snacks are. I still eat a hearty, healthy dinner in the evenings, but everything else, I’ve just simply forgot. I forgot all the good habits I created with the help of friends and exercise gurus. I’ve looked past all the re-blogs on tumblr, pinterest, and even my own personal blog of all the healthy choices and gone back to my old nasty bad choices. But how do you get yourself back into a good, healthy routine?

Part of my new routine has been Zumba, Curves and Kick-boxing. Three weeks ago I took the plunge and phoned the local trainer regarding his kick-boxing class and the next night I was in a class testing it out. This week will be my 4th class (which means a month has flown by already) and I am certainly looking forward to it. The pain that comes from the class is worth it. It reminds me that my muscles are at a stand-still and need more of a vigorous work out. Two classes ago we did nothing but strength training and for 4 solid days standing, laying were the only two things that didn’t hurt. Now, when I tried to roll out of bed, that was quite the image to see. Abs hurt, shoulders hurt, even my bum hurt. The one thing about this was IT FELT AMAZING. If you aren’t sore, you’re doing it wrong.

I still go to Curves and I still work as hard as I can on the machines. I go to Zumba when work allows it, and I have to remind myself that walking is a necessary part of my routine. I haven’t gone for a good walk since a friend of mine went last month. Summer pretty much killed walking and for someone who didn’t normally stay up past 11p or get up before 9:30a, during the afternoons it was often too hot to try and walk. Now I don’t have that excuse since fall has rolled in and the heat of summer has rolled out. I know that walking was a big part of my losing 40lbs, so why is it that I can’t slip on the sneakers and just go? It seems easier to just sit around and do nothing.

How exactly does one regain control of their lack of routine? Apparently, with all my research in the last hour, it is to “JUST DO IT”. Easy for those motivational pictures to say, right? Some of the things that I am going to try and do to get back into a routine are:

1) Write EVERYTHING down. Water consumption, work out of the day, every bite of food consumed.
2) Start from scratch with healthy eating. Shock the system (a new Weight management class starts tomorrow).
3) Have my work out clothes ready every morning. This way I’ll get up, eat some foods, drink my first glass of water, and then get dressed for the work out. It’s in my face, and there would be no excuses.
4) Convince myself that a walking buddy IS in fact, okay. Ask someone to join me.
5) Create a meal plan. This is one of those things that I loath doing. It frustrates me to no end. Maybe I shouldn’t make it a meal plan, maybe it should be a meal guide line?
6) Blog. Every Wednesday. I will try my best to write every Wednesday about the previous week.

Do you have suggestions for me? Leave a comment down below. I would love to hear your hints/suggestions for getting back on track.  I would also love to hear what other people do for a work out routine. I’m going to start everything off right. I’m going to grab a bite to eat and then I’m off to Curves. In the rain.

I can’t wait until I can run again.
Until next time folks!

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Day 3.

Day 3, it’s only day 3.
It hasn’t even been a week yet, and the first two days were flops. Okay, they weren’t complete flops, but they were still flops. I ate things I shouldn’t have. I didn’t eat enough. I didn’t get up and eat breakfast within a half hour. I know it’s hard. It took me 3-4 tries the first time to get down -42lbs. It’s possible to lose the weight again, and it’s possible to be successful, I just have to remember this.

Finding low carb, high protein, low calorie foods is not easy to say the least. The Curves Weight Management only gives you so many ideas, and yes you can substitute meats for other meats, etc. However, the more you substitute the more likely you’re going to add more calories then you necessarily should. Searching the internet for more ideas in hopes to find something that will FIT in my new “life-style”.

My first goal this time around is to lose -15lbs by the start of next month. I feel it’s possible, as I have done it before. It’s going to be a little rough on the 29th because Kyle and I are going to Halifax for our anniversary (12years, woo), so we will certainly be eating foods that wont fit into the diet. Have to live, don’t forget to live!

Today is onto a good start, no major issues as of right now. Lets just hope the rest of the day goes smoothly. I eat right, and go to Zumba. Here’s hoping.

Good luck to the rest of you weight loss ladies and gents.

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New Year Resoluation starts now.

Sunday, September 16, 2012 will mark the day that I restart everything. After a summer of frustration, lack of exercise, and yo-yo’ing, it’s time to restart my “life style” change. After a glorious 42 pound weight loss, I found myself jumping back and forth, and trying to eat “properly”. It shouldn’t have been difficult, but it was. I chose to pick up a cheap journal from the dollar store so I can take proper control of everything. Write everything down. Write down the weekly weigh in. Take responsibility for the junk passing my lips and be smart about it. I know my 42 pound weight loss is no longer 42 pounds. I’m certain I’ve gained at least 5 of those pounds back, so tomorrow will have a new starting weight, a new beginning.

Like the image says, it took me more than a day to gain it, so it’s going to take me more than a day to lose it.

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Water, drink it.

Have you had your 8 glasses of water today?
I’m sure that most of you who are sitting here reading this haven’t passed 2 glasses so far. The experts say you should drink 8 oz of water per day. There have been articles to say that you should drink water according to your weight. I don’t necessarily believe this, but I do drink more than my 8oz a day.

I’ve grown to enjoy my glasses of water. Sometimes flavored and sometimes with ice to the brim. Water is essential to your survival, keeping you healthy, and it also aids in weight loss. It doesn’t cause you to lose weight, but the more water you consume the more crud is flushed from your system, and less vibrant your urine will be (you all know what I’m talking about).

I don’t know how often I have heard “I hate the taste of water”. What do you mean you hate the taste of water? Sure, if you aren’t lucky enough to have a dug well, your water may have a bit of a chemical taste to it. You can purchase filters to help eliminate some of the taste and water treatment systems have come a long way. I know, by living in town limits, my water doesn’t taste nearly as bad as it did 10 years ago. There are also other options out there for you “water haters” out there.

– Add lemon/lime, cucumber, berries
– Add herbal tea (no sugar/milk for a calorie free treat)
– Add liquid flavorings such as Mio or Crystal Light

Drinking coffee or caffeinated tea (without milk/sugar) is not a recommended water replacement as it tends to dehydrate you. Remember the rule of thumb for coffee is: For every cup of coffee you drink, drink 1 cup of water. It will keep you hydrated and energized.

Now, you are probably wondering why I said “Water can aid you in losing weight”. Water can aid you in losing weight. As I mentioned before it helps flush the crud from your system, leaving you feeling happier and healthier. There are, as far as I know, two ways water can help you in losing weight.

1. When you are feeling hungry, try a glass of water first. Chances are, you are dehydrated. This will curb your urge to snack on unhealthy snacks. By all means, if you are still hungry after the glass of water, head to the fridge for some carrots, or a handful of grapes.
2. Prior to eating your meal, drink a glass of water first. This will keep you from over eating. Especially when you are out with a group of friends. We all know how difficult it is, in a social setting, to keep from snacking on the starts or even your main dish when you’re past full.

I just stumbled across a website that tells you 9 great reasons to develop a water habit.
1] As mentioned above, helps weight loss
2] Drinking water can lower your risk of a heart attack
3] Increases your energy level. The more hydrated you are, the more energized you will feel
4] Headache cure – before reaching for that bottle of Asperin, give water a try, you just maybe dehydrated
5] Drinking water gives you healthy skin
6] Water helps aid in digestion
7] Helps rid your body of all that crud laying in your system
8] Reduce cancer, such as bladder cancer
9] If you’re hydrated, you’ll be able to do your work out better
The website

Drinking water is not hard. The next time you think you need a can of coke go get a nice cold glass of water and throw a lemon into the water. You may not like it at first but once you see and feel the difference, you will start to appreciate your 8oz of water a day. Remember, also, when you go out for a couple of drinks with your friends, be sure to drink plenty of water. This will keep you hydrated, not too intoxicated and will fight off tomorrow’s hangover.

I hope this was some what useful for you. I wanted to discuss water because someone asked me “Does drinking that much water really help with weight loss?” Yes, yes it does. The more water you drink, the more weight comes off. Of course that’s not the ONLY thing you need to do to lose those pesky pounds. This is just one of those things to help you a long the journey.

Until next time.

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End of an Era.

Saturday, June 16, 2012 - The Final Wave
Saturday, June 16, 2012 – The Flags Flew at Half Mast – The Final Wave

In 1929 it opened its doors and in 2012, 83 years later, it shut down its machines for the very last time. For 83 Years, Bowater Mersey Paper Company Limited produced paper for countries around the world, giving many men, and women, of Brooklyn, NS and its surrounding areas a job to support their families. The rumors started on Thursday, June 14 that the upper hands were meeting to discuss the upcoming shut down. It looked bleak. The morning of Friday, June 15 will be a morning no one from Queens County will ever forget: Bowater Mersey Paper Company will become Idle, permanently.

Idle, forever. We, as a community, knew that this would happen. Did we expect it to happen as soon as it did? Absolutely not. I, myself, expected to be old and grey before the doors of Bowater Mersey would close forever.

On the final night I went down to the parking lot to greet my father. Unfortunately for me, he wasn’t coming out until early morning. I snapped some pictures from across the river, in the night. I saw that every door was open, every light was on, and the more I paced, the more I realized it was the end. I have a small pinch of regret. I regret not calling my father to meet me, or asking someone to let me in. I don’t know why I didn’t follow my instincts, but I didn’t. Maybe it was a good thing I didn’t? He had a final night with his coworkers. Took his pictures, and had a few laughs. 40 years is a long time to spend working in one place, albeit, in many departments. It had to be surreal for him, and everbody else who walked out of that gate the following morning. Knowing you were the last people to see the rolls of paper come off the machines. Two machines that will never again run. Never again roll up tons of paper.

Idle, forever.

I can’t begin to imagine what the workers feel, but I can feel heart-broken for them. A little piece of our community has been snuffed out, put to sleep by a corporation that say they have run out of options. It is a devastating blow, but a blow that we, as a community, will rise up through. It will take time to collect up all the pieces and put them back together. It will take time to realize where you will go from here. This door may have closed, but another is opening. A new adventure awaits.

My love, my admiration, for all those who worked at Bowater since 1929. It’s truly an end of an era.

Bowater Mersey Paper Company Limited
Company Information
Legal Name: Bowater Mersey Paper Company Limited
Operating Name: Bowater Mersey Paper Company Limited

Location: BROOKLYN, Nova Scotia
Website URL: http://www.abitibibowater.com

Company Description

Manufacturer of newsprint and lumber
Country of Ownership: Canada
Year Established: 1929
Exporting: Yes
Quality Certification: ISO 9001
Primary Industry (NAICS): 322122 – Newsprint Mills
Alternate Industries (NAICS): 321111 – Sawmills (except Shingle and Shake Mills)

Primary Business Activity: Manufacturer / Processor / Producer
Product Name: Lumber
Product Name: Paper, Newsprint (excl. Groundwood & Specialty)

Market Profile
Geographic Markets:
Export Experience:
•Costa Rica
•Dominican Republic
•Hong Kong
•Puerto Rico
•Sri Lanka
•Trinidad and Tobago
•United Kingdom
•Venezuela, Bolivarian Republic of

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We all need one from time to time.
It’s so easy to get caught up in doing little things that you don’t think will hurt your new eating habits, or your work our routine. Unfortunately all those little things will eventually turn into big things. And those big things can lead to set backs. Luckily for me, this time around, the only set back I had was beign stuck at 34.5lbs. Fluctuating 2-3 pounds above or below. I can be thankful for this, and I can be thankful for the scale motivating me to carry on. I had lost 34.5 pounds. The most I have ever lost in my life may have been 25. The mere thought of gaining all that weight back scared me a little. How could I possibly let myself slipp and wrisk gaining back ponds of fat that I worked so hard to get off? I couldn’t. And I wouldn’t.

June 7th marked the new session of Weight Management at Curves. I had a starting point again. I restarted the ‘program’ from scratch. Did I do well the first couple of days? No, because the new habits I developed I had to erase from my mind, yet again. I no longer could say “If I have this little extra thing, it wont hurt. I can work it off tomorrow.” I ate out three times this week. Yes, three. Am I proud of this? Not really, but I tried my best to stay healthy when I went out. Eating shrimp, rice and some chicken at one place, and whole wheat pasta with chicken and shrimp at another. There’ll be a day when I write about restaurants here, because let me tell you, eating at Wendy’s on Sunday would have been a much better choice, as ironic as that sounds. Some small advice try to avoid eating out, it’s not worth it.

Thinking I nearly failed on my journey, I went to Curves this afternoon to be weighed and measured. Weighed. Weighed. Ah, being weighed. It is terrifying at times because you think “Maybe my hard work didn’t pay off.” or “Maybe that extra treat caused me to gain.” So, I grudginly stood on the scale and had my friend adjust the weight. To my surprise, I lost. I lost 4.5lbs since Thursday. Bringing me incredibly close to my second 20 pound goal. I was relieved.

Learning to not be discouraged is not easy. Knowing that you may and WILL platue is something you have to accept. Believeing that a 1/2 pound loss is better than a 1/2 a pound gained. Not becoming obsessed with the scale isn’t easy either, but accepting what it hits each week is an accomplishment in itself. Knowing that you can and WILL lose that other 5 pounds to meet your second, third, or 10th goal set is an amazing feeling. When I hit 40 pounds I’ll face my next 20. You can’t, and I can’t, focus on the large number. Yes you may need to lose 100+ pounds like myself, but you can’t dwell on that. Baby steps. Accepting that you need a reboot every so often will also help you make it through the rough patches.

I like the plan that I am on because after 6-8 weeks I get that reboot. I get that refresher. I go back to stage one and carry on through stage 3. I also get a reminder that working out regularly is necessary. Going to my Zumba classes, my Curves work outs, my jogs with dad, and my walks alone, help me shed the weight. It may seel like a lot, but honestly, it’s only ~1hour out of my day, depending on the day, where I go and I work out with some fabulous people, and feel good about myself.

You always need a reboot.
Maybe you need to take yourself to a manny-peddy to reboot your thought process. Maybe you need to talk to a friend, who is also on a weight loss journey, or even an online forum. Anything to get you back on track, you will do it. And you can do it. I have complete faith in you.

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A natural oily or greasy substance occurring in animal bodies, esp. when deposited as a layer under the skin or around certain organs.

noun. grease – tallow – suet – lard
adjective. fatty – rich – thick – obese – stout – corpulent – greasy
verb. fatten – feed up

Not everybody likes the word “FAT”. To me, it’s an ugly word. It repulses me. I think of the slimy, sticky substance on the steak, or the ham that was cooked for dinner. It’s not appealing, or attractive (nor is it even tasty). Am I fat? Absolutely. I, as so many of us do, contain that sticky, yellowish, substance under our skin. Even now thinking about it causes me to scrunch up my face.

Do I like being called fat? No, no I don’t. Have I “adapted” to being fat, and being called fat? Yes, you can say I own it. I own being fat. I took care of my appearance. I dressed in nice clothes, that I took my time picking out because I did not want to fall into the stereotype that “big women can not dress nicely” and all that they can wear is “sweats and baggy t-shirts”. There is no reason, at any size, you can not take care of your appearance. It just means, as a heavy person, you may need to take a little more time in finding that outfit. Plus-size stores are not dime-a-dozen, you know. Nor are they cheap.

I was asked the other day when working out, “If you don’t mind me asking, how long have you been this size?” Now, when someone ask me this question I immediately want to say “Ask me again, but this time say ‘How long have you been fat.’? instead.” I know that people want to be ‘kind’ when they ask you how long you have been obese, but it doesn’t always come out that way. You just picture something completely different. After walking away from the conversation you picture that person snickering to their skinny-ass friend about how big you are, and how disgusting you are. If this hasn’t happened to you, then you deserve a gold-f**king-star.

I did, however, as any of us would have done. I politely answered her question. “I have been this size, pretty well, my entire life.” I know that she meant well in asking, but I often want to run in the other direction because I am not exactly PROUD of being fat.

The reason I’m ranting on about fat is because when you get on the scale at your local gym, or in your bathroom, and you see that you’ve lost “only 2 pounds”. It’s not “just 2 pounds”. It’s actually a substantial amount of weight. This is why you always hear people say “I need to lose 5lbs”, and when they do it actually makes a world of difference.

I kept saying “Oh, I’ve only lost 20lbs-25lbs-30lbs” but when a friend of mind directed me to the video I am going to post, it made me finally appreciate how much I’ve lost. That 30 pounds of fat that I lost is pretty f**king amazing.

Now that you’ve watched this video … YES, you should watch the video. Stop reading this and watch it. I’ll wait.

Did you watch it? Okay, good. Now that you’ve watched the video of how much 5 pounds of fat looks like, are you going to get on that scale tomorrow, or next week, and say “Damn, I’ve only lost 3 pounds”? I would certainly hope you don’t. Each time I get on the scale now at Curves and I have lost 1-2 pounds, I am happy. Because I’m well on my way to losing yet another infant sized glob of sticky, yellowish fat.

Now go and be proud of those 5 pounds you’ve lost. You deserve to be happy about it. Gloat about it a little. Do a happy dance. Anything to show how excited you are about losing those 5 pounds. If you have more to go, just know that you can do it, and you are so worth it.

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In the beginning.

There I was, twenty-seven years of age, boyfriend finally moved in, I traveled to Boston & New Hampshire, I gained a new fur-baby, and 25 pounds. Wait a minute, roll it all back. Boyfriend moved in. Check. Traveled. Check. Adopted a kitten. Check. Gained 25 pounds. Fail.

When that scale rolled over those numbers and landed on my highest weight, a little part of me crumbled. I was no longer happy with who I was. Body wise. I was no longer okay with what I had to wear, or how I looked. I was fed up. I knew that I needed to do something as my body was starting to feel the effects of being morbidly obese. My knee was constantly sore, and my 27-year old hips were starting to cry under all the pressure. No 27-year old should be complaining about hip problems.

Now. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that the journey from realizing that I needed to lose weight to the point that I am now has been easy. It’s been a nightmare, to some degree. I first asked my co-worker (at the time) for help. She even went to Curves to pick up the book that I was going to follow in order to help me out. This was attempt #1.

Attempt #2 happened a few months later after my co-worker became a worker at Curves. I had everything prepared. I knew what I had to do. I was focused. This attempt failed.

Attempt #3 came along just before Christmas of 2011. I gave up after ~3 weeks because it was Christmas Holidays. How on earth did I expect to stay focused on the weight loss journey during the holidays? You can’t tell me anyone dieting/doing a life style change can do it. Maybe they can, but I knew better about myself then to attempt. So I closed down attempt 3 and enjoyed the holidays with the vow that in the new year, 2012, I would start and stick with it.

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